Handlebar mustache rides, 5 cents!

Some thin-skinned folks are a little upset about this new CarMax ad, although I think it's kinda cute.

I'm not sure it's as offensive as Johnny Pragmatik thinks. But the woman with horsey teeth and the man with the creepy eyes certainly don't make cycling -- nor Neo Victorian steam punk, for that matter -- look especially cool.

[via Fritz and Pragmatik]

Too sloppy to ride? Too sloppy not to ride?

Minneapolis and midwestern readers: Be aware that the Pornography of the Bicycle Film Tour has found a venue. One on One Bike Studio, 117 N. Washington, Minneapolis. 8 PM this Thursday, 3/13. Five bucks, limited seating. End transmission.

Other dates and locations:

3/14 Chicago

3/18 Columbus

3/19 Pittsburgh

3/22 New York

3/24 Philadelphia

3/26 Washington DC

3/27 Richmond

4/1 Nashville

4/4 SLC

Paris, Texas

The other day, we mentioned that Washington DC may become the first US city with a low-cost bike rental program underwritten by advertising -- a program modeled on Paris' Velib dealio.

The word was that the Texas radio monopoly, Clear Channel, would be the underwriter (and eventual profiteer) which would pay the outlay, and then sell ads on the bikes and at rental stations.

Now Clear Channel has bunnyhopped the pond, and they're doing the same thing in Caen, France. (See the plan and bikes here.)

The downside? If advertising economies of scale come into play, the bike-friendly ad companies of the world will stick to the most populated cities -- what they refer to as dense target markets.

Only for our most hopelessly hardcore fans...

Good news! The stickers have arrived, and they look like this (click through for slightly larger than full size):

Plain vanilla, right? Yeah, but nothing says "smart-ass daily bicycle news and commentary" like black vinyl.

For a limited time only: Send us your name and mailing address, and we'll mail one of these suckers out to you for free. (After that, we charge CABBAGE for this shit!) Send your deets here. Your privacy and anonymity guaranteed.

Stick 'em on your top tube! Ask for two and make a spoke-sandwich! Stick one on your helmet and pretend it's almost as cool as The Outcast! Be the first one on your block!!

Coupla other things to bear in mind:

If you're a Twin Citizen, god bless ya. You can get your freebie at One on One, while supplies last.

We'll still mail ya one, if you insist.

We'll be out of town for the weekend-- our first race of the season! So don't fret if you get no immediate reply, or if you're lonely.

Today's BIG stories!
Here's what you missed while you were heading back to work to grab that patch kit and the tire irons...

What would Jesus ride?

Never mind Clif Shots and Shot Blocks: It's Clif decantings!

WARNING! Are you waking up in the ditch feeling violated?

Today's BIG stories!
Here's what you missed while you were squeezing the last few miles out of those old Connies...

Track racers do it in circles

The Forbidden Love: Cloning a classic Masi

WARNING! This bike rack will remove important body parts.

The schwag is on its way

The boss told me to tell you that "the stickers are on the way." An order went in last night for a boatload of Pinch Flat News fender stickers, so stay posted and we'll let you know when they arrive.

They'll be free-- the boss says we'll even spring for postage! (Wait until he sees my bar tab, though.)

Today's BIG stories!
Here's what you missed while you were fishing unopened powergel packets out of the bottom of the washing machine...

The cleverest man in all of cycling?

The history of bike polo.

Best jersey in the TDF peloton? Apparently it's Bob Roll's bare chest... vote now!

This week's BIG stories!
Here's what you missed while you were cleaning out your skeezy camel-back tubing...

The Fat Man speaks: A conversation with Gary Crandall. Part 2 coming soon, we promise!

Lance is spotted in Colorado, riding fat tires.

Best jersey in the TDF peloton? Apparently it's Bob Roll's bare chest... vote now!

Today's BIG stories!
Here's what you missed while you tying down that broken spoke, and discretely picking at your chamois...

The Fat Man speaks: A conversation with Gary Crandall

Free online bike porn! Really!

Steal this bike. (But please return it in one half hour.)

Who have we been talking to? It's the PFN Interview! Here are just a few items you may have missed while you were out cleaning your bike — or, if you're like us, soiling it.

Mike Curiak, long-distance MTB legend.

Karen Brooks, editor of Dirt Rag magazine. (part 1 and part 2).

Steve Relles, uphill unicyclist.

B.K. Krueger, co-pilot of sales for New Belgium Beer.

Dept. of Overextended Metaphors

This is kinda cute, but... uh, what does it mean? Bikes prefer to drive themselves? Free broadband is like a riderless bike? Help! We're confused.

Chalk it up to the advertising industry getting hip to bikes. Without, you know, really getting hip to bikes.
The English ought to look to the Dutch, who know how to do this kind of thing right.

While you were trying to pry your flat Conti off of your dirty Mavic, you might have missed today's important additions to the canon of cycling literature...

Ladies, your turn to oogle the Bicycle Boys.

Pinch Flat Poll! In which country should next year's Tour de France prologue be staged? Vote, you sluggard!

100 million reasons why you should shop at your LBS, not online.

On your left... Support our advertisers over there. In the restful blue box.

By the way. If you're trying to reach us at the home office, we are not there.

We're working remotely until Monday. We are not in France. We are in Northern Wisconsin. The wine and cheese aren't quite as good, but the prices are more reasonable, and the singletrack rocks.

Make yourself comfortable here in our waiting room. Feed the fish. Play Chinese checkers. Support our advertisers. Thank you, we love you, Amen.

This week's biggest stories (so fah): We got the skills to pay the bills!

Is President Bush all spandex and no bike?

A chat with one of the world's greatest endurance athletes, Mike Curiak.

What REALLY went down at Dirt Rag magazine this Spring?

On your left! Support our advertisers over there. In the restful blue box.

It's SPANDEX day at PFN!

What happens when you wear too much spandex.

You want to be wearing something tight and stretchy to do fixie tricks like this.

The winner of the world's toughest bike race, wearing a certain wondrous man-made fabric,is... Jay Petervary

Support our advertisers over there. In the soothing, shapely blue box to your left.

Spellbound

We've got our plate full for the weekend, as we head into the home stretch of the Nature Valley Grand Prix. Let's take a moment here to say, though, that yesterday was a personal peak in terms of bike love: 30,000 bike lovers in the Twin Cities convened on downtown Minneapolis, and it was like the summer of love all packed into one day, on a bicycle. Lots of stories to tell, which we hope to get to some time soon. Meanwhile, keep up on the official story over at the Official Organ. Thank you, we love you, Amen.

The slow pace of things

We'll try to keep you diverted and amused for the next two days, but maybe not quite at the breakneck pace you've grown accustomed to. Our excuse? We're covering the Great River Energy Bike Festival and Nature Valley Grand Prix for another fabulous publication. You can read all about it over here. Coming up: The exciting conclusion to our interview with the World Bicycle Relief people, and a conversation with Dirt Rag editor Karen Brooks!

Hiding out, expecting word, waiting patiently, WRITE DAMMIT

Hi! We're back, with spoke-card in hand. We missed you terribly, did you miss us? Judging by the bags and bags of angry email, you're conflicted about this relationship. So you really want to know: Where were we? We were fishing for walleyes and watching the hair grow on our legs. Also, we were nauseated with worry and trying to make it go away with scotch. Why? Because we'll be covering the Nature Valley Grand Prix for good old Vee-Nooze later this week. (Watch for it, but try not to be too hard on us.) More important than any of that, please note that we have a new Bamber alert for your attention -- check out the sidebar to your left for crucial information about a recently stolen bike. You have our email. Do your duty! Onward!

The names never change, the faces stay the same

For the next couple of days, we'll be on the road, providing even less value for your money. We'll post when we can, and we'll reply to your emails if they're super flattering. Hopefully, someone on our tag-team of substitute editors will step in and take a few licks while we're away. Go ahead and take this time to visit the soothing blue box over there on your left. We love you, thank you, Amen.