The road rage of the cyclist

So I was casting some aspersions on Dallas yesterday, and today I hear that a Dallas cyclist is being investigated for a "road rage incident." The situation is one we all find ourselves in almost every day: A negligent cager on a cell phone fails to give adequate buffer to a group of cyclists riding legally on the roadway. In this case, Dallas cyclist caught up to the driver and rifled his water bottle at the driver.

This short video includes an interview of both characters, and I am struck by just one thought. This woman couldn't stop smoking for a 30-second television interview? Unreal. Lady, they make gum and patches that would allow you to speak uninterrupted by nicotine fits for up to 20-minutes! On the other hand, you could probably get one of those nostril hoses and a tank of second hand smoke, then you could smoke 24/7 and have full use of your hands.




Also this: It's a far better act of revenge to just reach in and empty your water bottle on the driver's lap. That way you get to keep your bottle, the assault charge won't stick, and she'll arrive at work looking like she urinated in her short-shorts.

That's a win-win-win!

(Full disclosure: In my less-enlightened road raging days, I once threw a water bottle at a carload of teenagers. But only after they'd thrown it at me. And it was empty. So it was more a gesture of rage than an actual act of rage. Still, I felt good-bad-guilty-justified for weeks afterward. It was a powerful feeling to scare the shit out of a bunch of lowlife dopesmokers, but not one I need to relive.)

Happy Thoughts for Your Critical Mass Ride Today

Out in Alameda, the city council is trying to pass an amendment that would make it illegal to ride bikes or skateboards in city parks, school yards, parking lots and public structures like parking ramps.

The original reasoning for changing the ordinance was to address an ongoing problem with skateboarders using the steep interior ramps of the new six-story parking garage as a recreation area.

I've noticed a couple other ongoing problems: The cost of fuel and the wastefulness of driving 2,000 pound internal-combustion cages and obese police officers. I'm just saying. I've noticed.


Meanwhile up in San Francisco they're sort of taking the opposite approach to Alameda. There, they're trying to pass laws that would limit urban sprawl and encourage population density. That is, more people living closer together within cycling distance to grocery stores, baseball stadiums, city parks.

The automobile is quickly becoming obsolete, so why not start planning for that eventuality?

Canadian crackdown

Up in Toronto, authorities have wrapped up their week-long "bike blitz," a dragnet operation that resulted in 7,000 tickets being issued to car drivers and cyclists. It was an attempt to shore up the rules and slap a few wrists -- from nailing outlaw cyclists that run red lights and menace the sidewalks, to cars drivers who blithely park in bike lanes.



I'm glad that justice was, in this case, blind and meted out on a fairly equal basis between riders and cagers. While I think bikes can and should bend the rules to suit their needs, they shouldn't do it in ways that antagonize car drivers.

Were Toronto's efforts the naked face of fascism? Or an effective marketing campaign reminding one and all that bikes are an inevitable and growing part of the city landscape?

The Mnpls Mafia strikes again?

Seen in the morning papers...



"It must have been an odd sight early on a weekday morning—a bicycle in the road with an attached cart loaded with alcoholic beverages and tobacco products."

Uh, no... That must have seemed like the Wednesday Night Ride.

More like the "big gut of the law."

Seen in the morning papers:





Accompanied by this photograph:





Uh, I'd say the biggest reason for the Pittsburgh Police to get out of their cars and on their bikes is right there hanging over their belts.

A return to regularly scheduled programming

The boss has been kinda busy lately, so I've been recruited to scrape the mold off the loaf, and make a little toast.

Seen in the morning papers...




That, of course, describes about half of all the pathletes we see out on the Cedar Lake loop each day, with their icy stares and strange little tri bikes.

The case against lycra: When showing your stuff brings the police into the picture

Seen in the morning papers...

The devil is in the details, of course, and finally the police offer up a description we can really use:

His bike was a silver mountain bike with blue front forks. The seat is pitched at an unusual downward angle.

Joke = screw loose.

Forced to behave like adults: CMNY

Last month, the City of New York passed a law requiring cyclists to apply for a permit, if they were going to conduct a ride with more than 50 riders. Clearly, the city wanted a legal tool for busting up NYC Critical Mass rides, and that's precisely what they did as soon as the law went into effect. But the official reasoning behind the law is so that police can close roads and regulate traffic.



During the February ride, members of NYC Critical Mass were ticketed and forced to behave like regular citizens and sue the city, but that lawsuit was dismissed today.

Whether you agree or not with Critical Mass (my own feelings rise and fall according to the ambient level of self-righteousness on any given ride; here in Minneapolis, the unkindest thing I've ever heard said to pedestrians and car drivers is, "Have a great Friday!"), you have to be troubled by any government regulation of the People's Right to Gather on Goofy Looking Tall-Bikes.




On the other hand, maybe Critical Mass NY should go ahead and get a permit, then maybe they can put the police to work for 'em, rather than agin 'em.

Fail Britannia: The Decline of Western Civilization's scandals

They say you get the scandals you deserve. So it's kinda interesting that while we mop up the sordid Spitzer affair, the Brits have their knickers in a bunch over a conservative MP who -- gasp!-- runs red lights and one-ways on his bike.


I should think it's rather a bigger scandal that a man who's smart enough to be a member of parliament rides around with his helmet strapped to his handlebars.

Then again, that's one of the defining elements of the world's second best bike video.

Blaming the rider on the wheel

Seen in the morning papers...




I've been pissed at the bike path for lots of reasons, but I've never considered actually blaming it for committing a crime.

It certainly does aid and abet lots of fashion misdemeanors committed by the fruitbooters, though.

Please don't buy this sticker

Some spineless "anarchist" turd has apparently minted these stickers in the wake of last week's Times Square bombing.




Look folks, this guy was riding a dynacrappy Ross. He is emphatically not a cyclist, and he has besmirched the good name and divine purpose of bikes.


As cycling culture grows and matures, one of the downsides is that it will attract pubescent nut-jobs who confuse the message with the medium. Yes, in our mansion there are many houses -- including the one with rubber walls and ball-gags.

The bike-friendliest mayor this side of Paris gets his wish

That proposal Mayor Richard Daley had to ticket car drivers who door cyclists or cut them off with the old right hook? It got the thumbs up from the Chicago city council this week.



Careless Chicago cagers now risk fines of up to 500 bucks -- if, of course, Windy City police can be compelled to give a crap.

And I'm not just being a cynical jerk here; it's not necessarily an easy thing to do. You can pass laws till you're blue in the face, but it's been suggested by the police themselves how little they know or care about laws pertaining to cyclists.

Quaint little island in Atlantic actually investigates bike thefts

Here's something you just don't see in the morning papers this side of the pond ...

Though to be sure, cranky Yorkers are whinging about "more serious" crime coverage, in the comments. I especially like one reader's line of speculation:

I very much doubt that when the bike was stolen it had the baby seat on. With the front and rear disk brakes, front falkes hightend seat and drinks hold it looks like a actual mountin bike or trik bike.In my opinion it has been stolen from a keen cyclist and converted into a baby carrier by the thief or the person who bought it "dodgy".

Police: Just another dumb obstacle to steer clear of, sadly

An interesting article came across my desk this morning. It's an academic article from Law & Order -- not the TV show, but the journal of law enforcement professionals. The piece, written by a former police officer, was a stinging indictment of cop incompetence in dealing with bikes, bicyclists, and accidents involving them. In "Bicycle Crash Investigation," Officer Kirby Beck, retired from the Coon Rapids, Minnesota police force writes,

The state of the art in specialized bicycle crash investigation and reconstruction is rudimentary at best. Focused training in bicycle crash investigation is rare, if it exists at all. In virtually every state, bicycles have most of the same rights and responsibilities as motor vehicle operators. Many officers don't seem to know, or care, that they do. Training in bicycle traffic law is virtually non-existent in police academies and crash investigation courses. Unfortunately, many serious road cyclists know and understand traffic laws regulating bicycles far better than most street cops.

Well, I don't want to say I told you so. But this does explain a certain incident from last summer. The problem, of course, is not so much police ignorance -- though of course that is a problem. The problem is the often-aggressive nature and expression of that ignorance, from a person carrying a gun and a ticket-book.

More sex with bikes: Swedes do it better, duh

Seen in the morning papers:

We live in enlightened times, sure, but the folks on the bike-porn tour may have to go underground if authorities keep cracking down on "vehicular intercourse."

Has Fixed Gear Gallery finally put Bike SnobNY over the edge?

Seen in the morning papers:

Unconfirmed reports suggest that the target -- and only victim -- was a Bare Knuckle with a full Campy track kit, Velocity deep-Vs, Brooks saddle, and the gayest bullhorns ever bolted to a stem. All that was left at the scene was a powdercoated U-lock and a handful of Hammer Gel wrappers.

Newsreel of mirthful bike commuters shooting guns off in Park Slope, at 10.

Cuff style locks: Love 'em? Hate 'em?

Those hyperbolic Brits claim that Firebox cuffs are the toughest bike locks on the planet, and I have my doubts. After all, the Brits at Sky News don't actually appear to, uh, know what they're talking about.

The heavy-duty cuffs attach around the fork and disc rotor you don't have to faff around taking off your wheel for full lockdown.

Attached around the fork and disk rotor? Can't quite figure out how that would work, but I'm pretty sure you start by locking your frame to a large immoveable object. I haven't seen a lot of disk rotors that would allow a lock to pass through (other than the sort of disk locks you see on motorcycles, of course).


I've never been particularly interested in handcuff-style bike locks. They look like a tradeoff to me from your standard U-lock, what with the extra moving parts -- the chain that connects one cuff to the other. To the positive, I suppose the idea is you don't have to scratch hell out of your frame and fork trying to get it close enough to the parking meter or the cyclone fence to loop that Evolution through with enough room for locky. Another bonus -- after beating a would-be theif into submission with these things, you could cuff him to a light post while you fetch the local constable.

But this leads inexorably to some ruminations on street locking technique. The quick-dash messenger approach: Just lock front wheel to frame. If I were an evil person, I'd drive a pickup around town looking for bikes locked this way, and throw 'em in the back -- if there were a market for hipster fixies anymore.

Actually, a few months ago I struck on an even lighter/faster messenger method: Take the tiniest U-lock from Krypto's New York chain -- the one that fits in your front pocket -- and lock a spoke to your seat stay. True, easy to get away with just one broken spoke. But it would be fun to see somebody try. On someone else's bike, of course.

It's been said before by smarter people than me: A bike lock simply buys you a little bit of time, but never an eternity.

The bottom line on cuff locks? They look like a literal pain in the ass to deal with in transit.

Monday funnies

Let's start your Monday off with a groan, shall we? Seen in the morning papers...

Also this...

It's somehow both sad and sweet that bikes like this are apparently being stolen all over the British midlands, and require police intervention.

The lowest of low bike thiefs

The British are so cute. Not a day goes by when one of their daily newspapers doesn't report a stolen bicycle or an accident involving a child or an effort of the local constabulary to make the world a safer and more pleasant place for cyclists.

Today, the Daily Express reports that 84-year-old Suffolk cyclist Olive Pollard has been riding the same Raleigh mixte for 70 years. And yesterday, for the first time in seven decades she forgot to lock her bike and it was stolen from the front of a friend's cottage. (With a bike like that, I'd look first at the British National Museum!)

We'll keep tabs on Olive, but we've already started a pool: I figure it should be less than 12 hours before we hear that someone has donated a suitable replacement.

A room right off the bike path

Bikes, hotels, and strong drink. A recipe for disaster -- or at least deep moral depravity.

This fellow's only real crime appears to have been riding his bike down the motel hallway and running over a couple of, er, pedestrians.

Police reported that the man was wearing nothing but a pair of swimming trunks as he was zipping down the hallway of the Best Western Soldiers Field Tower and Suites... the man hit a 76-year old Michigan man, and his 33-year old son. Police Lt. John Edwards said that the son went after the bicycle man, tackled him and held him until the police arrived. The man might be charged with assault and indecent exposure.

Last time we checked, it was perfectly legal to ride a bike in nothing but a swimsuit. In Minnesota in November, we call that stupid. But lots of stupid things are perfectly legal.