An Amusement & Diversion for The Genteel Cyclist. Daily.

Showing posts with label bike porn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bike porn. Show all posts

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Talking Funny On Thursdays: The Antidote

From the profane to the sacred. Here's a sweet video sent our way this morning that's a nice counterbalance to broken face boy.

Readers may remember that whole DKNY debacle earlier this year during fashion week in NYC. (DKNY painted a bunch of clunker bikes orange and locked them up all over the city like some completely misguided commercial appropriation of the Ghost Bike deal.)

While we're generally indifferent and maybe even a little hostile to the Vogue-ification of cycling and bike culture, this British clothing company makes cute stuff for the ladies, and they show impeccable taste by teaming up with Pashley Bikes -- the venerable old British cycling brand with the massive (and totally awesome) hampers on the bars. Good on ya, Topshop and Pashley, hooray! Also, extra credit for using a ukelele song.





Note to the feminine side of myself: The way to avoid getting your skirts into your spokes is not by installing a skirt guard. It's by wearing a shorter skirt!

By the way, this video totally reminded me of a pair of fully awesome sunglasses I had back in the 70s. They were called Cebe Alpines, and all the coolest kids wore them on the slopes. I had a pair just like this, possibly white, but with the laminated red, white, and blue bows:




Waaah. I wish I still had these, along with my Rossignol ST Competitions, Solomon 727s, and my Lange boots. (This sentiment, BTW, justifies the boxes and boxes of shit I have in my garage and basement that I will one day be able to brag about still owning. Hey all you PFN readers, remember freakin' CROCs?!)

Friday, June 6, 2008

Catching big air

The next time you're feeling a little squeamish about that 2-foot drop
out at Lebanon Hills, just remember these two words: Alain Robert.




Try to put the soundtrack out of your mind, though. Heinous.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Variations on a cliche: "Bicycle Race" naked!

RE: Queen's "Bicycle Race"


Remember how we used to stroll over to YouTube and see which video had been watched more often -- Monty Python's "Bicycle Repairman" or Queen's legendary (and much overplayed) viddy?

We sorta gave that gag a rest for awhile, but I noticed today that some thoughtful young man has posted the uncensored version of the original music video. I didn't even know there were uncensored music videos in the Paleolithic age, but there you go.




Still can't believe Freddy Mercury wore that weird Brooks Brothers shirt, sort of the opposite of seeing your grandma in a knit tube-top. Course, maybe it was the undue influence of the Bay City Rollers.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Bike porn for the rider who has a garage full of bikes

Fixed Gear Gallery has long been a monopoly operation, showcasing the vanity and bad taste of a certain class of cyclist, and launching the redoubtable career of BikeSnobNY. But now there's a more mature, slightly less polished kid on the block, and he's a commuter with dirt under his nails: RateMyBicycle.com.


While fixies may be in decline as the urban accessory of the new millennium, there's another group of cyclists gaining pluck and panache: everyday, everybike commuters.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Who says Germans have no sense of humor? Biking the roundabout

Around these parts, you don't see too many rotaries, except maybe Back East. And when you do see 'em, you don't typically see bike paths on 'em.

Here's a good reason why: To foil those damn German flashmobbers.





This of course compares quite favorably to Mattei Mugerli's famous moving violation in one of last year's UCI road races, described oddly by Dave Towle as "a dynamic moment."



Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Amateur bike porn: Taking it up a notch

These kids have the skills to pay the bills.




Geezer question: Do they wear a helmet the first 125 times they attempt some of these mad tricks?

Friday, March 21, 2008

Freecoasting for beginners: The ingenious pump track

Ever since reading an article in Dirt Rag years ago about building a pumptrack, I've been casting covetous glances at my neighbor's Bobcat.

This morning, I discovered a nifty video from the BikeSkills guys -- who, incidentally, have a whole line of instructional viddies featuring not some Joe Blowhard but real pro riders like Brian Lopes, Tara Llanes, and others -- covering everything from rock gardens to track stands.




Anyone know how to hotwire a Bobcat?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Next big little thing alert! Freecoasting

The moral and physical opposite of a fixed-gear bike is a free-coaster. And you'd be surprised at what sorts of tricks the kids throw together on free-coasters. Sure, you can't pedal the thing, and you pretty much have to ride down hill. But you can do it all backwards!

Pretty tight mini-BMX action here from Bobby Kanode.



Monday, March 17, 2008

The right ride for St. Patty

It's a good day to introduce you to Shamrock Cycles, a lovely boutique frame-builder from "the mountains of Indiana."


The Galway is a 29er, the Celtic is a crossbike, the Fluid Druid is a roadbike, Shillelagh is a fixie, and the Belle Fast is a female-specific custom ride.


All beautifully brazed steelies by Leprechauns, and guaranteed to get you to the end of the rainbow.


Wassat you say? There are no mountains in Indiana? Sure, but there are no snakes in Ireland, either.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Finally, bike porn that doesn't skimp on the, er, pornography


Just when I was griping that the Hugger has done nothing to earn their keep, they turned Jerry on to this: A bike porn film festival.

"And I do mean bike porn, if you click through to the trailer," says Jerry. "Flann O'Brien and Robert Stewart would be pleased. What are they smoking at Bike Hugger? 'Sorta not safe for work?' This is definitely not safe for work. Anyone who loses their job today should sue DL Byron."

I covered my eyes, of course, but I can attest that the trailer has great music. Coming to Minneapolis on 3/16 (I must have been thinking John 3:16-Ed.) Coming to Minneapolis on 3/13!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Cool--but strangely melodramatic?--gravity ride



"1500 feet -- the longest downhill ever." Wha? For whom? When? What does this even mean?

I'm pretty sure I made about 5,000 feet coming down Monarch Pass last summer, but maybe that was a dream.

I'm so confused. Discovery Channel does this to me all the time. It's very disorienting.


Oh, now I get it! It's an episode of The Rockford Files. Sweet.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Actually, Revelations says they'll be on BMX bikes)

Given that this is a 7-minute video of 4 BMXers riding across the country, it's surprising that it takes a full three minutes to actually get to a BMX track.

I find it hard to believe that the first tabletop heading East from the Pacific doesn't occur until after the Grand Canyon.

Lovely and lingering shots of sunlight glinting off of goggles, though, and worth every penny of my admission.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Breaking! Man who had sex with bike pleads guilty!


MAN WHO HAD SEX WITH BIKE IN COURT

[Wait, he had sex with the bike in court, too? We're confused.--Eds.]

A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.

Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.

On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.

She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.


Early reports suggest that the bike was a 2008 Specialized Stumpjumper FSR. Police vice units around the world have been put on alert in anticipation of December shipments.

(The bike the Telegraph used to illustrate this story is a GT. Obviously, their photo editor is not a cyclist.)

(Also this: If you can't have sex with your bike in the privacy in your own hotel room, where the hell can you? Don't answer that...)

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Happy Bike-Love Wednesday to you!

Who says you can't have a stoker on a single-seat bike? (That, of course, would be a stoker of the heart... awww, shucks, we're feeling romantic.) Seen in the morning papers...



Tuesday, October 9, 2007

The World's Greatest Fixie Rider, Unveiled: Ines Brunn! The PFN Interview

A couple of months ago, we discovered an amazing video of a woman doing mad tricks on a fixie. We instantly dubbed her the world's greatest fixie rider, and pledged to you, Constant Reader, that we would find out who she was, where she lived, and what type of beverage you could buy her if you ever met her in a bar.

Today, we can report back that we our mission was successful in every way. Her name is Ines Brunn, she lives in Beijing, China, and she may be the only German we've ever met who can't stand beer.

You have been called "the world's greatest 'fixie' bike rider." (Actually,
that was us who called you that!) How do you respond to that?


Very difficult to answer. As I am German (and Germans do not admit they are good, only when they really, really are the best in the world) and I have been living in China for almost 3 years (the country where modesty is highly valued. Nowadays if a Chinese says my English is good, I automatically answer: “No it is not, it is very bad”) I have problems answering that.

I do not have a track bike yet, so all my tricks are done on a fixed gear bike with a 1 to 1 gear ratio, that means I need my pedals to do a full turn so that the back wheel does a full turn. I think all the tricks I do on 1 wheel are more easy than trying to do them on a track bike style fixie.

I am now looking for a track style bike so that I can use it to ride around Beijing and do tricks on it. If I am able to master all my tricks on that style of bike, then I would accept to be called the worlds greatest “fixie’ bike rider.

How old are you now, and when did you start riding a bike?

Now I am 31. Not sure how I old I was when I started riding a bike, I was too small to remember. But I only started doing tricks on a bike at the age of 13.

What was your first bike?

I have no idea what my first bike was. My first trick bike (a fixed gear bike with gear ratio of 1 to 1, so nothing for riding fast) was made by a small company in Germany called Walter. My next two trick bikes were from a bigger German company called Langenberg. But all my frames were broken so often so (yes the frame braking at various points where the tubes meet) that I asked a guy I met to build an extra stable frame for me. His small company is called Norwid and that is my best trick bike.

How did you get started doing tricks?

I used to do gymnastics. At the age of 13 I stopped gymnastics and was looking for some new sport. A friend said I should come with her to a unicycling place. I was very reluctant, because from what she was telling about it sounded really boring. I did go and as expected they were only riding unicycles in circles (which is very boring). Then a lady came and started doing tricks on a bike. I immediately said “That is my new sport”. I started right away and love it till today.

And you probably got the moral: “Sometimes you have to just do things that you expect to be a waste of time to find the right thing.”

Were you an elite gymnast?


Well, I am not sure what you call an “elite gymnast.” But, yes I have been doing competitive gymnastics since around 6 or 7 years old. In Germany I was on the state team of Bavaria but only once qualified for a national level competition. At the age of 13 I decided to change to a different sport and by pure chance found the trick biking. I still continued gymnastics till the age of 28 on a voluntary level with small fun competitions now and then. In China I thought it would be easy to find a place to continue gymnastics, but I was proven wrong. Only places I found were for children, not for old women like me!

What kinds of competitions have you been in?

Artistic bicycling is a sport where you need to do tricks according to a book, you can choose up to 28 tricks and you have to show them within 6 minutes and do them exactly as they are described in the book. This is a German sport which also some other European nations do. I have not seen any Americans do it. In artistic bicycling I was competing up to National level up to the age of 28. I was a member of the German National team for about 10 years. I did a huge amount of competitions.

What brand of bike do you ride? Is it a custom bike? What type of wheels,
hubs, fork, handlebars, gearing, etc?


I now ride a Norwid bike. I had problems with the bikes before so I asked a guy to custom make one. He makes street race bikes and tandems, but never built a fixed gear bike before. I bought the wheels, the handlebar, the pedals and pedal hub and the chain from Langenberg, the saddle from Walter. I told Norwid to make the most stable frame so that it does not break at the points where the bars meet together. And I requested bigger bars for more stability. I cannot remember where he got the fork from, as I needed a straight-blade fork with no rake. The wheels are 24 inches and the front wheel can handlebar spin freely (well it is quite tight, but it can spin). The frame geometry is similar to my other trick bikes. That bike was built in 2000.
But with me in China, I have only my Langenberg bike. It was built in 1994 but I bought it second hand in 1998.

Do you do other types of cycling -- road-biking, BMX, mountain biking?

Here in Beijing I use a "normal“ bike to get to work every day, except for the seldom times when I use in-line skates. I have a secondhand bike I bought for about US$10. It is falling apart, but the repair in China costs about 20 cents (US) so no need to buy a new bike. I never possessed a mountain bike, but in Germany I did do a few mountain bike rides with friends, me using my normal bike. I also rode 8 days through the alps (also on my normal bike). I definitely am a bike enthusiast, but not a nerd (yet). I am looking forward to having a track bike.

We hear you enjoy wine. What are your favorite varietal grapes, vintages, vintners, and wine regions? Do you like a full-bodied red, say, or a citrusy white? You seem like maybe a Prosecco kind of person!

Yes, I enjoy wine a lot. My taste of wine changes over time. I used to love the full-bodied red with strong barrique taste. Then I started to fall for the wines from Piemonte (a region in Northern Italy). They have great Barolo and Barbaresco wines that I think are outstanding. Lately I suddenly prefer to drink a white wine. E.g. a good Riesling from Germany (yes there are some really good ones) or an Arneis from Piemonte. Sure in a bar it maybe best to go for a standard Chardonnay or Cabernet Sauvignon.

Unfortunately, wine in China is not so easy. They do import foreign wines, but you have to pay for it. And the bottle might have not been treated well on the journey. China is doing better and acquiring knowledge of how to make good wines. But still till you get the bottle in your restaurant in Beijing it might have been kept in a standing position (which makes the cork dry out and then let air in which then makes the wine turn bad), or it might just have been transported in a truck across china with no cooling (so same: dry cork = even the best wine turns bad).

Do you like beer at all?

No. There are two things I cannot drink: Beer and bubbly mineral water with gas. Both of them are what a typical Germans drink the whole day.

They still drink beer all day? Awesome! How much training do you do today, and how much did you do when you were learning? Do you regularly develop new tricks?

Well nowadays due to lack of an appropriate place and less time, I hardly find time. Especially with rain as that prevents me from being able to train outdoors. When I was really doing this intensely, I used to train about three times from Monday to Friday about two hours each and then almost every weekend did some intense training or went to competitions. Now with all my business travel it is much harder to keep on training. I do not really learn many more amazing tricks nowadays.
But I want to have a track bike and transfer all my tricks to that bike and learn the skidding, that seems to be very cool.

What's the worst crash you've ever had?

That is hard to say. There are different levels of “worst.” From the handstand it is never nice to fall, as you always fall head first and have no mechanism to try to get away from the bike. I crashed from my handstand once on a German Championship which made me only get 10th place. I also fell off stages, the worst was doing a headstand. I fortunately did not break anything. I had a bad crash while trying a full front handlebar spin with me standing on top. After that I never was able to manage the full turn, only 180 degrees. The last crash was this May, just 8 days before I was to fly to New York City for the Bicycle Film Festival. I broke my big toe because I fell into the spokes while trying my saddle stand on grass. But thank god I am in China. I went to my Chinese therapist and said I have to be able to walk and do tricks on a bike by next week and he massaged my toe. And I was able to perform in NYC.

Do people ever say you should wear a helmet, to set a good example to
children? What do you say to them?


In Germany I did not do much in the streets. Here in China nobody has a helmet and they would also wonder why you are wearing such a strange thing if I were to wear one.



You live in Hamburg. Do you eat hamburgers or wear a Homburg hat? (Ha ha,
that's a joke.)

I used to live in Hamburg. That was when I was working for the particle accelerator doing physics research. Now I live in Beijing, China. That is one of the best places to be right now. The Olympics are coming up and everybody is excited. I am a candidate for carrying the Olympics torch. If you want to support me, please vote for me at this website.


What's your day job, and how do you make it work with your cycling?

I work for an American company called JDSU as the Business Development manager for Asia-Pacific. We are a leading company providing test equipment for the telecommunication industry. I am based out of Beijing so that I am closer to our customers. For business, I have to travel to all countries in Asia and also to Australia and New Zealand. My business travel has become slightly less, in 2005 and 2006 I was on the road about three quarters of my time. Therefore it is hard to keep up with a sport where I need equipment, like a bike.

Bicycling seems to be growing hugely in Europe and the USA. Cyclists
everywhere are saying it's good for the planet and good for the person. What
do you think about that?


I am a convinced bicyclist. I used bikes as much as possible in Germany. The only car I ever bought in my whole life was a Ford camping van that I used for 3.5 years until I left to go to China. Here I do not have a car and do not want a car. I am much faster on bike.

If you think of Beijing as the capitol of bikes, unfortunately that is a myth. Today Beijing has cars over cars. (Since 2004 the official number of daily new cars on the roads of Beijing is 1000, that is 1 million new cars on the roads in 3 years!) Rush hour is like 4 hours in the morning and 4 hours long in the evening. A complete catastrophe. And: The Chinese love it! They think I am the one who is crazy. Me being a western foreigner having enough money to buy something other than a bicycle is cycling around the city every day. They all do not understand why I do not buy a car. They spend a lot of time in traffic jams. After over two years of me trying to explain to the Chinese why I love my bike they finally accept that I rather ride on a bike for 25 min than stand in traffic jams for 45 min just to get to the office. But they think it still makes no sense that I have a regular bike, they all say I must have enough money to at least buy an electric bike where I would not have to pedal.

The concept of "environmentally friendly" and just "enjoying riding" is too far away for them. They just want to taste luxury. I hope in the next 10 years they will start to understand.

What do you tell children who tell you they want to be just like you? Talent
or hard work?


I tell them they have to work out and have endurance to keep on doing it over long time. You cannot learn tricks from one day to the next, or at least not the difficult ones.

All photos (C) copyright Ines Brunn, used with kind permission.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Road tunes from 1955

Before Huffy became Dynacrappy, they built some pretty terrific bikes. Of course, this was the paleolithic period. Snakebite pointed us in the direction of this beauty -- we like the radio, but we lurve the paint job and the rocketlight.




And if we could wave a magic wand and turn every miniature, scrotal saddlebag into handlebar tassles, we'd do it in a heartbeat. It would be like waking up in a world where every goiter was magically replaced by nipple pasties!

Speaking of which, the boing boing article that shows off this beauty mentions something interesting:


Huffy later made strap-on plastic models for other bike models, but they just aren't the same.

That's not the first time we've heard this rumor about some sort of sex-toy bike accessory, but surely it is a myth. Besides, our parental filtering won't allow us to research the subject any further.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The blues had a baby, and they named it rock and roll

Folks don't generally realize that trials bicycling was the baby kid brother of trials on motobike, and that it all really started in Europe -- Spain and the UK in particular.

So Decay sent along this viddy today, and we post it for your historical edification. Also noting that the main difference between bike trials and moto trials is direction of attack.

That is to say, it's hella easier to twist a throttle uphill (and upstairs and upwalls) than it is to turn a crank thataway.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Now THAT'S riding biblical!

These guys catch big air, but they're still 400 meters below sea level.

That's because they're getting rad on the banks of the Dead Sea.

In anticipation of Rosh Hoshanna, we say Shana tova, Dudes!

Friday, August 24, 2007

The peak of civilization: Banana seats, sissy bars, ape hangers -- and James Brown

Don't let the storyboards ("gasoline was rationed based on your license plate number"?! On which planet?) or the cheesy morphing effect throw you off your game. This is a pretty awesome parade through the 1970s, and a great soundtrack smooths over a thousand flaws.

Selfishly speaking, this is the first time we've seen that Kawasaki chrome suspension bike since about 1976 (the first fully suspended bike ever!) that Jeff Hokeness rode (lucky bastard).

Monday, August 20, 2007

It doesn't have to be the Grand Teton, y' know


It's not exactly "Boogie Nights," but Jason Loretz has put together a new MTB DVD that's a bit meta: It shows some of the tricks of the trade when it comes to filming great bike porn, showing set-ups and recommending equipment for the amateur wannabe.

The fact that "The Big Ride Recce" is filmed in Wales, at Afan Argoed, gives you just about all you need to know.

An old friend of ours used to have a theory about geography as pornography: Brash explorers and crass modern Americans seek out craggy mountains the way they seek out Pamela Anderson posters, ignoring the subtle beauty of, say, the foothills, the prairie, or the desert.

Point being that extreme topography ain't necessary, in our book. We've seen terrible footage shot at Whistler, and we've seen gorgeous bike porn filmed in the unlikeliest places in the UK.... by folks like Jason.

It's all in the eye of the camera... And we never did have much interest in Pammie.